disc Proclaimed Sanctuary SKRaTCHED!
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Tuesday, July 09, 2002
Mood:Distressed
Song of Choice: "What a Mess" by SR-71
Subject:Fate as a Lover

Okay that small ranting before was me being confused beyond all reason. The explanation is this: Quita called me today and we talked and well numerous things just started coming from her. Such as all these freak phone calls we keep having at my house asking for chick that's my Angel actting on impulse and calling my number than aborting mission. Continuation she informed me that she had informed him that I was leaving on the 15th or so of August

Song of Choice:"Feelings" by the Offspring

and he kinda broke down...and well damn how the fuck am I suppose to interpret that? I finally get myself together and accept the fact that I do love him very much and that I probably always will and that well I have to move on but there's nothing wrong with playing the evervigilant guardian angel. I mean come on what in the world! Oh no and then I talk to my tech crew(Games) and I start to cry because I'm so freakin confused and Games is being so understanding and sweet and damn it all you know. and no here's the kicker after talking to Games and sinking further into my self loathing

Song of Choice:"Adrienne" by the Calling

I go to the Dojo and one of my little brother's friends is having a birthday party on the 13th and guess where the little boy lives? A hop skip and mad dash away from my Angel's domicile. Does Temptation have a bet with Fate going on what will happen? How am I suppose to act hmmm? Someone tell me? I don't hate him but after all the crap he's put me through I should you know and well man I know I'm just going to be weak and not be able to be cold to him and I hate myself for that...but I have to see him...just once before I go. I mean every summer something or another has brought us together but will I be able to handel it? That last good bye...perhaps one last kiss before I never see him again am I strong enough to commite such a tender act?

Song of Choice:"Absolutley" by Nine Days

I mean come on....what do I do? How do act with him? I haven't seen him in a year and God how do I even look at him? I'm glad to have this opportunity but will I survive it? Can my mental state handel that? Somebody please please please send me an e-mail with some guidance because I feel so confused and traped and absolutley MAD!!!! What in the world? Someone please give me some assistance....even you Games and I'm sure this has probably been one of the most hurtful entries and I truley am sorry....

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